Dr. Charles Highway

As a medical student, you will be faced with various situations which require you to mingle with other people, whether you want to or not. These encounters are necessary in the sense that they may help you network with future supervisors or administrative heads. So if you have to mingle then do it while not upsetting anybody.

Here are a few rules for basic etiquette in the selected areas of dining, drinking and email. Enjoy!

TABLE MANNERS

When to begin. This seems to be one that many people are confused about. The one that says no one eats until all are served. This is simply not true. Once two have been served, you may begin. A friend of mine puts it thus, “When two have seats, all may eat.” I don’t know what the hell that means, but it does put people at ease. In restaurants, this can feel awkward as you wait for the food to come out together. But nevertheless, you would be correct in eating. And your well-mannered companions should insist that you begin. Who wants to eat hot food cold?

During the meal the fork should be placed in the middle of the plate with the handle to the right and just over the edge of the plate when not in use. The knife will rest at the top third of the plate with the handle and the knife point touching the edge. Never put a utensil on the table cloth once it has been used.

Never leave a spoon in the soup dish. When you have finished or are taking a break from the soup, place the spoon on a soup plate, or in the absence of such, on your main plate. To repeat, never put a used spoon on the table and do not leave it sitting in the bowl. Another fine point, when eating soup always push the spoon away from you, as in “the ship goes out to sea” not toward you.

Napkin in your chair. Your napkin stays in the seat of your chair if you leave the table during the meal. In fancy restaurants, the waiter will come by in your absence and refold the napkin and place it beside your plate. This annoys me a bit, but that’s the way it goes. Never leave a dirty napkin on the table in sight of other dinner guests. When the meal is finished, place the napkin to the left of your plate – or in the center if the plate has been cleared. Do not refold it.

Removing a bad bite. If you find something wrong with the bite in your mouth – gristle, bone, what have you – remove it the same way it went in: with your fork. It isn’t easy. It isn’t graceful. Just do it. And do it smoothly, quietly, unobtrusively, with no fuss. Wait until the conversation turns away from you and pull this maneuver as nonchalantly as possible. Return the food to your plate, disguised beneath the radishes so no one can see it. Do not spit it into your napkin unless there is some extreme reason and if it’s that extreme, excuse yourself.

After the meal. When you have finished eating place the fork and the knife in the 4:20 position (shown above) or across the middle of the plate, parallel to the edge of the table with the handles to the right and ending on the edge, not hanging over. Either way is correct. The fork will be nearest you with the tines turned up. The sharp side of the knife points toward you as well. Why, you ask, is this important? Because this simple universal act signals to the staff, waiter or otherwise, that you have finished your meal. Then why is this important when dining at home? Because practice makes perfect and this should become a second nature habit. On the Continent across the pond the tines are turned down at meal’s end. SP once affected this method — along with a couple of other European rules — when I returned from a trip abroad while in high school. My aunt — a stickler for perfect table manners — stopped in mid-conversation to ask what I was doing. I replied that this was the way people did it in Europe. She responded with a terse, “Well, we are not in Europe.” I have never strayed since.

Source: Social Primer

DRINKING PARTY

SP’s number one priority when throwing a party is the guest list because — surprise! – people make the party. It matters not how much you invest in décor, how beautiful and impressive your house, or whether you dole out nifty gifts or trinkets, if your guest list is not right, your party will be a disaster. Pull out the address or facebook. Invite the people who make a party, and then tell them to bring their friends. Use the excuse of a drinks party as a chance to get to know more interesting people. Drinks parties by nature are informal and new people are much more likely to accept an invitation to this than to a dinner party. Guest can come and go as they please so there is not the fear of being stuck at a table with a conversation hog.

Rule Number 2: Make access to alcohol easy and fast. Put the bar and the booze where guest can get to it and not get bottle-necked into some tight squeeze situation. If you are having more than 40 guests, you’ll need two bars on opposite ends of the room, house or venue. If the weather permits, put one bar outside and another inside. As for stocking the bar, you will need the four horsemen: Scotch, Bourbon, Vodka and Gin. Women love white wine and champagne. Men will want beer. Mixers should include club soda two to one over tonic water. SP prefers San Pellegrino. Guests always seem to want cranberry juice. Slice some lemons and limes. You’ll need a bucket of ice, a wine key and a bottle opener. The beer and wine can chill in a cooler on the ground if you don’t have a gorgeous silver bowl. As for glasses, I love a one size fits all job but if you have the means and the space you should provide an old-fashioned glass for mixed drinks and wine goblet for wine and water. I love those red Solo cups if you have nothing to prove, but some snoots might look down on that. Provide coke, diet coke, sprite and ginger ale for the non-drinkers. For Pete’s sake do NOT run out of ice. Figure two pounds per person in normal weather. Double that if you’re outside in the heat.

Rule Number 3: Music is key so make it popular and accessible. I know people love those moody, lounge-y compilations but they do not make for a good party. Put on the classics, the sing-alongs and hopefully the dance-alongs. I usually offer a program of music throughout the evening. The first hours are for classics: Sinatra, Dean Martin, Nina Simone, Billy Holiday. The middle hour calls for classic rock. This loosens people up and they find common ground with strangers. Even well-edited 80’s new wave will work here. The last hour calls for dance music, and I mean common interest dance music. Classic hip hop, jam bands, pop music and yes, even disco. Fellows, you can scoff at vintage Madonna, but girls love it and will dance all night to that woman. If the girls are dancing, the party is a hit. Save the druggie ecstasy trance dance stuff for your next rave. It is not happy music. You need to have some soul.

Rule Number 4: Food. Well, you have to have it. It’s irresponsible to ply people with booze and deny them food to soak it up. Chips and nuts are fine, but for the same price get some cheese, crackers, olives, and fruit. I can’t tell you how popular a plate of biscuits and a sliced ham with a side bowl of mustard and mayonnaise is. If you or your friends can cook (or heat up a frozen bag), make some meatballs. Put your gourmet friends to work and ask them to bring their party food. I would stay clear of those layered dip things. They only look good until someone drags a chip through, then they turn slightly grotesque.

Rule Number 5: Clean as you go. If you don’t have staff to help, you should pick up cups, clean up the sticky spills and empty the ash trays. Make the place as welcoming to the last guest to arrive as it was for the first. On the subject of hiring staff, don’t underestimate the value of good help. This will enable you to enjoy yourself exponentially. If you have a housekeeper, ask her to work for you the night of the party (paying her extra of course). Put an ad on Craigslist for a bartender. You can usually find someone — experienced at that — for about what it will cost for two big handles of hooch.

Rule Number 6: Handle your liquor. Now as a host you are probably fond of the booze yourself, not that SP knows anything about that. Remember to pace yourself. It is your duty to make sure your guests are having a good time, meeting each other, and not becoming wall flowers. If you are blotto drunk you are not being a good host. Good parties don’t just happen. They are the result of hard work and attention to detail. You have to be on guard that the ice or the liquor doesn’t run out. You need to gauge the mood and make sure the music is right. If the law arrives uninvited, you will need to deal with them. It happens. Finally, you’ll have to pay attention to those who might need a ride home or a sleep-it-off on your sofa. People do get out of hand. It comes with the territory. Finally, have fun. You know SP will.

Source: Social Primer

EMAIL ETIQUETTE (32 TIPS)

1. Be concise and to the point.

Do not make an e-mail longer than it needs to be. Remember that reading an e-mail is harder than reading printed communications and a long e-mail can be very discouraging to read.

2. Answer all questions, and pre-empt further questions.

An email reply must answer all questions, and pre-empt further questions – If you do not answer all the questions in the original email, you will receive further e-mails regarding the unanswered questions, which will not only waste your time and your customer’s time but also cause considerable frustration. Moreover, if you are able to pre-empt relevant questions, your customer will be grateful and impressed with your efficient and thoughtful customer service. Imagine for instance that a customer sends you an email asking which credit cards you accept. Instead of just listing the credit card types, you can guess that their next question will be about how they can order, so you also include some order information and a URL to your order page. Customers will definitely appreciate this.

3. Use proper spelling, grammar & punctuation.

This is not only important because improper spelling, grammar and punctuation give a bad impression of your company, it is also important for conveying the message properly. E-mails with no full stops or commas are difficult to read and can sometimes even change the meaning of the text. And, if your program has a spell checking option, why not use it?

4. Make it personal.

Not only should the e-mail be personally addressed, it should also include personal i.e. customized content. For this reason auto replies are usually not very effective. However, templates can be used effectively in this way, see next tip.

5. Use templates for frequently used responses.

Some questions you get over and over again, such as directions to your office or how to subscribe to your newsletter. Save these texts as response templates and paste these into your message when you need them. You can save your templates in a Word document, or use pre-formatted emails. Even better is a tool such as ReplyMate for Outlook (allows you to use 10 templates for free).

6. Answer swiftly.

Customers send an e-mail because they wish to receive a quick response. If they did not want a quick response they would send a letter or a fax. Therefore, each e-mail should be replied to within at least 24 hours, and preferably within the same working day. If the email is complicated, just send an email back saying that you have received it and that you will get back to them. This will put the customer’s mind at rest and usually customers will then be very patient!

7. Do not attach unnecessary files.

By sending large attachments you can annoy customers and even bring down their e-mail system. Wherever possible try to compress attachments and only send attachments when they are productive. Moreover, you need to have a good virus scanner in place since your customers will not be very happy if you send them documents full of viruses!

8. Use proper structure & layout.

Since reading from a screen is more difficult than reading from paper, the structure and lay out is very important for e-mail messages. Use short paragraphs and blank lines between each paragraph. When making points, number them or mark each point as separate to keep the overview.

9. Do not overuse the high priority option.

We all know the story of the boy who cried wolf. If you overuse the high priority option, it will lose its function when you really need it. Moreover, even if a mail has high priority, your message will come across as slightly aggressive if you flag it as ‘high priority’.

10. Do not write in CAPITALS.

IF YOU WRITE IN CAPITALS IT SEEMS AS IF YOU ARE SHOUTING. This can be highly annoying and might trigger an unwanted response in the form of a flame mail. Therefore, try not to send any email text in capitals.

11. Don’t leave out the message thread.

When you reply to an email, you must include the original mail in your reply, in other words click ‘Reply’, instead of ‘New Mail’. Some people say that you must remove the previous message since this has already been sent and is therefore unnecessary. However, I could not agree less. If you receive many emails you obviously cannot remember each individual email. This means that a ‘threadless email’ will not provide enough information and you will have to spend a frustratingly long time to find out the context of the email in order to deal with it. Leaving the thread might take a fraction longer in download time, but it will save the recipient much more time and frustration in looking for the related emails in their inbox!

12. Add disclaimers to your emails.

It is important to add disclaimers to your internal and external mails, since this can help protect your company from liability. Consider the following scenario: an employee accidentally forwards a virus to a customer by email. The customer decides to sue your company for damages. If you add a disclaimer at the bottom of every external mail, saying that the recipient must check each email for viruses and that it cannot be held liable for any transmitted viruses, this will surely be of help to you in court (read more about email disclaimers). Another example: an employee sues the company for allowing a racist email to circulate the office. If your company has an email policy in place and adds an email disclaimer to every mail that states that employees are expressly required not to make defamatory statements, you have a good case of proving that the company did everything it could to prevent offensive emails.

13. Read the email before you send it.

A lot of people don’t bother to read an email before they send it out, as can be seen from the many spelling and grammar mistakes contained in emails. Apart from this, reading your email through the eyes of the recipient will help you send a more effective message and avoid misunderstandings and inappropriate comments.

14. Do not overuse Reply to All.

Only use Reply to All if you really need your message to be seen by each person who received the original message.

15. Mailings > use the Bcc: field or do a mail merge.

When sending an email mailing, some people place all the email addresses in the To: field. There are two drawbacks to this practice: (1) the recipient knows that you have sent the same message to a large number of recipients, and (2) you are publicizing someone else’s email address without their permission. One way to get round this is to place all addresses in the Bcc: field. However, the recipient will only see the address from the To: field in their email, so if this was empty, the To: field will be blank and this might look like spamming. You could include the mailing list email address in the To: field, or even better, if you have Microsoft Outlook and Word you can do a mail merge and create one message for each recipient. A mail merge also allows you to use fields in the message so that you can for instance address each recipient personally. For more information on how to do a Word mail merge, consult the Help in Word.

16. Take care with abbreviations and emoticons.

In business emails, try not to use abbreviations such as BTW (by the way) and LOL (laugh out loud). The recipient might not be aware of the meanings of the abbreviations and in business emails these are generally not appropriate. The same goes for emoticons, such as the smiley . If you are not sure whether your recipient knows what it means, it is better not to use it.

17. Be careful with formatting.

Remember that when you use formatting in your emails, the sender might not be able to view formatting, or might see different fonts than you had intended. When using colors, use a color that is easy to read on the background.

18. Take care with rich text and HTML messages.

Be aware that when you send an email in rich text or HTML format, the sender might only be able to receive plain text emails. If this is the case, the recipient will receive your message as a .txt attachment. Most email clients however, including Microsoft Outlook, are able to receive HTML and rich text messages.

19. Do not forward chain letters.

Do not forward chain letters. We can safely say that all of them are hoaxes. Just delete the letters as soon as you receive them.

20. Do not request delivery and read receipts.

This will almost always annoy your recipient before he or she has even read your message. Besides, it usually does not work anyway since the recipient could have blocked that function, or his/her software might not support it, so what is the use of using it? If you want to know whether an email was received it is better to ask the recipient to let you know if it was received.

21. Do not ask to recall a message.

Biggest chances are that your message has already been delivered and read. A recall request would look very silly in that case wouldn’t it? It is better just to send an email to say that you have made a mistake. This will look much more honest than trying to recall a message.

22. Do not copy a message or attachment without permission.

Do not copy a message or attachment belonging to another user without permission of the originator. If you do not ask permission first, you might be infringing on copyright laws.

23. Do not use email to discuss confidential information.

Sending an email is like sending a postcard. If you don’t want your email to be displayed on a bulletin board, don’t send it. Moreover, never make any libelous, sexist or racially discriminating comments in emails, even if they are meant to be a joke.

24. Use a meaningful subject.

Try to use a subject that is meaningful to the recipient as well as yourself. For instance, when you send an email to a company requesting information about a product, it is better to mention the actual name of the product, e.g. ‘Product A information’ than to just say ‘product information’ or the company’s name in the subject.

25. Use active instead of passive.

Try to use the active voice of a verb wherever possible. For instance, ‘We will process your order today’, sounds better than ‘Your order will be processed today’. The first sounds more personal, whereas the latter, especially when used frequently, sounds unnecessarily formal.

26. Avoid using URGENT and IMPORTANT.

Even more so than the high-priority option, you must at all times try to avoid these types of words in an email or subject line. Only use this if it is a really, really urgent or important message.

27. Avoid long sentences.

Try to keep your sentences to a maximum of 15-20 words. Email is meant to be a quick medium and requires a different kind of writing than letters. Also take care not to send emails that are too long. If a person receives an email that looks like a dissertation, chances are that they will not even attempt to read it!

28. Don’t send or forward emails containing libelous, defamatory, offensive, racist or obscene remarks.

By sending or even just forwarding one libelous, or offensive remark in an email, you and your company can face court cases resulting in multi-million dollar penalties.

29. Don’t forward virus hoaxes and chain letters.

If you receive an email message warning you of a new unstoppable virus that will immediately delete everything from your computer, this is most probably a hoax. By forwarding hoaxes you use valuable bandwidth and sometimes virus hoaxes contain viruses themselves, by attaching a so-called file that will stop the dangerous virus. The same goes for chain letters that promise incredible riches or ask your help for a charitable cause. Even if the content seems to be bona fide, the senders are usually not. Since it is impossible to find out whether a chain letter is real or not, the best place for it is the recycle bin.

30. Keep your language gender neutral.

In this day and age, avoid using sexist language such as: ‘The user should add a signature by configuring his email program’. Apart from using he/she, you can also use the neutral gender: ”The user should add a signature by configuring the email program’.

31. Don’t reply to spam.

By replying to spam or by unsubscribing, you are confirming that your email address is ‘live’. Confirming this will only generate even more spam. Therefore, just hit the delete button or use email software to remove spam automatically.

32. Use cc: field sparingly.

Try not to use the cc: field unless the recipient in the cc: field knows why they are receiving a copy of the message. Using the cc: field can be confusing since the recipients might not know who is supposed to act on the message. Also, when responding to a cc: message, should you include the other recipient in the cc: field as well? This will depend on the situation. In general, do not include the person in the cc: field unless you have a particular reason for wanting this person to see your response. Again, make sure that this person will know why they are receiving a copy.

Source: Email Replies